The truth behind Beyoncé’s ‘Lemonade’. 

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Okay. I would just like to state this openly, for the record. So when it eventually comes out, we’re going to all hail Queen Lauren and her know-it-all views.

We’ve all seen the headlines, the gossip, the speculations. It’s everywhere. I get it.

Jay Z cheated on Beyoncé, right? And then she wrote an entire album about it, right? She’s pointing us on a witch hunt for this ‘Becky with the good hair’, right?

I mean she literally says “if you try this shit again, you gon’ lose your wife”. How much more obvious could it be? Right?

Beyonce's Lemonade

Only, hold on…why on earth would one of the most influential power couples of this world, be airing their dirty laundry on a fricking album? Why would Beyoncé have released said album, on her supposedly cheating husband’s new streaming service?

I draw you to exhibit A: the last lyric of the album. ‘You know you that bitch when you cause all this conversation. Always stay gracious, best revenge is your paper.’

LETS TAKE A MOMENT TO CONSIDER WHAT THAT MEANS. Hmmm. ‘Your paper’ – AKA our money? So perhaps, just maybe, this is a PR stunt. No?

Beyonce's Lemonade

We all know how much Bey struggles with the media influence over her life. If you’re a true fan (if you’re not #byefelicia) then you would’ve seen her personal vlogs pop up at tours or on documentaries. The ones she does on her laptop, the ones she says she does to keep herself sane. How vulnerable she feels when she listens to the press too much. How much she tries to keep her private life private.

So please, explain to me how we have gone from that, to accusing Jay Z of cheating with some chick Becky? 

Something doesn’t add up. Does it?

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Here’s my theory: they’ve wised up. They’re taking the power back. They’re controlling their narrative. They’re refusing to let our fascination with them continue to make up stories left, right and centre. They’re making them up for us. 

So out of this sudden show of solidarity and stregnth, we get tracks like ‘Hold Up’ and ‘Don’t Hurt Yourself’ (personal fav).

The Rihanna claims have been in mix for years – and recently Jonathon Hay apologised for this fabricated rumour. ‘The pr stunt that I did was out of desperation to help break Pon de Replay,’ he said in his statement. ‘It was reckless and I didn’t think it was going to work.’

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Thanks for clearing that up babes. Now, there’s no denying that the elevator drama was real – it was quite obviously very emotional raw leaked footage. But a girl has never fought with her brother in law before?! Which leads me to believe that we made up these rumours SO MUCH that Queen Bey just decided to own them. And I love her for it.

Also, do you really think someone as powerful as Bey would stay with a husband who openly cheated on her? NOPE.

Very conveniently timed with TIDAL’s launch not going too well…don’t ya think? (Even I have it now) She said after the birth of Blue Ivy how much strength she felt now, how much she could connect with her sexuality (thanks for Partition btws).

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One final thing. If I haven’t sold you on this yet – prepare yourself. During the track ‘Freedom’, we hear Bey’s nan say ‘I was served lemons, but I made Lemonade’. What a interesting concept for Beyonce to release an album around. 

She’s owning it. Literally. And we’re paying her for it. Absolutely genius

Take your bow Queen Beyoncé. 

Agree? Disagree? I want to hear from you – you know where the comment box is! 

Stay sassy,

Lauren.

xxx

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Positive vibes only.

I notice, every single day, how much I’m surrounded by negativity. Whether it’s watching someone give another person a filthy look on the tube, or listening to downright bitchy people go on and on about something that happened ten years ago. (Side note – no one cares.) It’s something that crosses my mind a lot. 
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Now, I’ve got to put a disclaimer here, everyone has one of those days. Everyone has a bitchy moment. They happen. They’re inevitable.
However, I also believe it’s down right cowardly to be that person. You know the one – who can’t say a nice word about anything or anyone. It’s embarrassing. It’s become ‘the norm’ to be impatient, selfish and unsympathetic. It’s too simple to consider only how it affects yourself, rather than placing yourself in their shoes. It’s too easy to pick someone apart until they’re nothing but a pile of flaws and mistakes.
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But, I firmly believe that it takes a strong, courageous person to swim against the waves of bitchy comments, and see the good in someone or a situation. To stand up and say ‘hey – maybe there’s a reason they act like that?’ It saddens me how many people don’t have same view point as me. With all the wars and terrorism in this world, do we really need more negativity? More people judging? More people not stopping to consider someone else’s feelings? More people deciding they know best?
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We need to realise that if we hold a grudge or whine on and on about something someone did – who does that bother? We know they don’t care, we know it’s only bothering ourselves. (And everyone else who has to listen to us). Whenever I think something not-so-nice, I remember a saying. ‘The first thought that comes to your mind is what you are conditioned to think, the second thought is what defines you.’ It’s okay to think that slightly bitchy thing – it really is okay. But that correction you make afterwards, that second thought, that’s the one that counts. That’s the one that society doesn’t get to control. You own that second thought.
So when you’re having that generic bitchy day, take a moment. Remember that every single ounce of negativity that you push out into the world, comes straight back to you. The more you see the dark tint over this world, the darker it will become. Promise me, next time, you’ll take a breather. Look around you, and search for five things that make you smile. Five points of beauty. A kiddy laughing, a sweet elderly couple, a sassy contour line, a fabulously chic notebook, the sunshine on your skin… With your new positive outlook in life, your I-can-achieve-anything strut will be back on top form.
What are your five things today? Let me know!
Stay sassy,
Lauren
xxx
positivity is key

Online body shaming. (Ft. Lea Michele)

I AM TIRED OF THIS.

Thought I’d highlight this to ya’ll. These are the comments, just a few of many, most recently commented on a Daily Mail​ Online. This is in response to an article written solely around a comment Lea Michele​ made in a full interview to Marie Claire​. The DM article itself is bull – in the original article she talks about many many things, the most important of which being her new show, her adjustment to fame and losing her boyfriend Cory Monteith​. However, DM decided the most important comment was ‘I love my butt. It’s a showstopper.’

The comments that entailed were brutal, telling Lea that she should get over herself, that she didn’t even ‘have a butt’ to be proud of.

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Body shaming seen on Daily Mail Online

So firstly if we could stop focussing on women’s bodies, rather than the important topics they’re discussing, that would be great. Obviously anyone with half a brain is able to see that these particular articles are always written with the agenda to make crappy people share and ‘lol’ at the comments made. And then they make feminist people like myself say ‘this is a shitty article’…and then we share it too to point that out. Yes, I know I just fell hook, line and sinker. I know that. But I can’t just ignore it?!

I must say that the Marie Claire interview given is in the November Issue (she’s on the cover. Lush.) so I haven’t managed to get my hands on it as of yet, however as the Mail Online clearly states, she talks about many different pressing issues.

Lea Michelle on the cover of Marie Claire, November 2015

Lea Michele on the cover of Marie Claire, November 2015

Personally, I find Lea Michele incredibly inspirational. She was born to everyday normal parents, one catholic and one jewish, and led a normal life. Although born in New York, she was raised in New Jersey. She carried out a normal high school life, until she spontaneously decided to audition for young Cosette in the original New York production of “Les Misérables”. This is where she made her Broadway debut, in 1995, as a replacement for the actual actress. She racked up a series of acting and musical roles, including the original leading role in Spring Awakening, and obviously we know her better as Rachel in Glee. She received the 2009 Satellite Award for Best Actress in a Series, Comedy or Musical and later won a Screen Actors Guild Award, as well. Lea has also received Golden Globe, Emmy, and Teen Choice Award nominations.

She works damn hard and has faced difficulties I can’t even imagine. As all Glee lovers know, in 2013 her on and off screen boyfriend Corey Monteith died from a drug overdose – a battle he’d been fighting for a number of years. A battle through which Lea Michele stood by his side, and helped him as much as she could. A battle which was lost – which obviously would’ve taken it’s toll on Lea. However, did she have a break down? No. Did she go off the rails? No. She grieved, kept it as private as she wished, and wrote a frickin’ album. Hard. As. Nails. 

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Anyone saying she ‘has no talent’ – tell me what have you done with you life? What have you achieved that warrants you to say that? Unless you’re basically Beyonce, do us all a favour and sit back down.

Anyway, the specifics of the case are actually irrelevant (sorry Lea). I could’ve written this about countless articles, especially on the Daily Mail online. Seriously, go and have a look. Read the comments.

As those of you who like my Facebook page will know, myself and my friends were recently featured on the DM website with a little airbnb horror story, and of course we had the same treatment. ‘What were they in Amsterdam for I wonder?’ ‘Shouldn’t they be saving for a deposit for a house rather than travelling?’ ‘Stupid.’ ‘The one in the glasses, she’d get it.’

CAN WE ALL JUST TAKE A MOMENT AND THINK ABOUT THIS. 

The media and online world that’s been created in recent years, has suddenly provided this place where you can stand up and give your unwanted opinion on ANYTHING. And worse, you can do it anonymously!

Who are you to comment on her body? If she likes her butt, then FABULOUS. Who are you to tell her she shouldn’t?! Who are you to create false insecurities or knock her confidence?

Just to be clear, it’s actually pretty embarrassing. You say it out of jealousy. There’s no need for it. Daily Mail, by writing this article you just let Miss Michele know that all of her accomplishments and struggles are irrelevant – the only thing that matters, is her butt.

As every kid I know has been taught, if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. 

You don’t have a right to voice that negative opinion. Period.

Not that it is relevant at all but this is a picture of Lea Michele, and her frickin fabulous butt.

Lea Michelle, Instagram

Lea Michele, Instagram

Stay sassy,

Lauren

xxx

Society needed a Perrie Edwards – and we love her.

As someone who works in the press, and spends every minute of the day stalking celebrities and watching Sky News – it’s been completely impossible to miss the Perrie/Zayn fiasco over the past few weeks. If you haven’t seen something about it, well you’ve probably been living under a rock so I forgive you.

In a very Brad Pitt/Jennifer Aniston (minus the Angelina we hope) fashion, Zayn’s cruel text ending their engagement has been the focus of the public eye, and poor Perrie hasn’t had an moment of privacy due to the girls being right in the middle of their album promotion. We’ve seen Perrie politely brush off asking TV hosts, we’ve seen Zayn fire shots at Perrie/Little Mix through his retweets, and even Jade walking out with a fan made sign stating ‘Zayn is irrelevant anyway’ (which is true #JustSaying). Today, the world has seen a viral video of Perrie breaking down during a live stream 4 Year Anniversary performance whilst singing their new track The End.

First of all let me state, the video is horrific. The way we hear poor Perrie sob and the look of defeat tells us exactly how much she’s hurting – and girl, we’ve all been there. The difference is, most of us have had to face the person we’re hurting over in the sixth form common room, or accidentally on a bus – but Perrie has dealt with this with millions of world-wide fans watching her every move. I was wary of writing this post, as I’m not sure whether she appreciates everyone’s support or wishes everyone would shut up and stop talking about it – either way I write this out of admiration and love. 

As the ‘young adult’ technology focused generation, we’ve seen a lot of celeb break ups. Katy Perry and Russell Brand, Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart, Taylor Swift and erm…take your pick? (Love you Tay). Most of the time, we see the woman write a kick ass pop song, or get perfectly in shape and post a lot of sassy instagram posts, and sometimes we see nothing at all. But Perrie, oh darling Perrie, has stayed strong, kept her head held high, and still shown the world that it’s okay not to be okay.

Society, and just as importantly these crazily young pining frenzied Directioners, have now seen that you can be strong and kick ass – but you can also allow yourself to feel pain. When something or someone hurts you, especially as deeply as this situation must of, there’s nothing you can do to make that pain go away completely. As always, time will heal all. Perrie has surrounded herself with her girls, carried on fighting with her promotional tour, and has become an inspiration to a generation.

Although I’m sure she’s been told this ten million times over, Perrie if you happen to stumble across this – Zayn Malik is a dick. And yes, completely irrelevant.

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This one’s for you girl – Stay sassy,

Lauren

xxx

20 Top Tips For The Under 20s

On the 15th of August, in 1 and a half weeks (eeeeeeeek), my rocky teen journey ends and I finally become 20! They’ve been difficult to say the least – in fact, all the mistakes/problems you think a teen could make/face, I could probably tell you a story or two, so I think I’ve earned enough experience to mark the end of an era with some advice for all those struggling through. I’m aiming it at the ladies, as I am a lady (duh), but most of these could be applied to both genders, so fellas stick with me!

You ready? Here goes…

1) Whatever your passion is, go and do it – a lot. I promise you when you’re older and figuring out your next month’s budget, your ballet class will not realistically be on that list, and if it is then please show me how! If your parents are kind and supporting enough to chuck money at your hobbies, thank them with all your heart. If not, do what you can to earn the money to go and do it – clean the next door neighbour’s car or walk the dog, if you’re old enough get a part time job, its a very small price to pay to follow your dreams.

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2) No job is ever, and I mean EVER, beneath you. When you’re finally old enough to go and get your first part time job, bare in mind you have zero experience, and no matter how fabulously bubbly your personality is, for you to be employed without that is a very big risk. Carry this mantra with you for your entire life – this is coming from the girl who took a part time job at maccies to last the first few months at Uni. Any job is better than no job.

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3) Take loads and loads of photos. And make back ups of them all. As a general rule in life, I try to take photos of every single thing I do. Realistically, how much of what you were doing at 14 are you going to remember when you’re 80? Probably not much – every photo you don’t take is a memory you’re going to lose. Snap away!

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4) They’re lying – you’ll probably never use algebra, but you do need that C in Maths. Of course you’re right! I promise you the second I took that maths exam I have never ever once needed to understand algebra or Pythagorus or any of that terrible stuff (although this doesn’t apply if you want to be a scientist etc), but not having that C will hold you back forever. You don’t want to be retaking through college or uni, or paying for classes when you’re older – settle down and get it done, as difficult as you may find it.

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5) Dump him. That guy you’re oh-so-in-love with, but he treats you like crap. What is it, humiliating you in front of friends? Flirting with other girls? Cheating on you?? Stop right there, get him outttttttt. You’re so young, I can assure you (and all my girlfriends would whole heatedly agree) in two years time you’ll barely remember his name.

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6) Forget him. Similarly, the guy you’re swooning over in Music class. The one who’s so popular and likes a bit of lad banter, I mean he might make jokes at your expense but he’s super nice to you when you’re alone right? Nope, he will always be an absolute dick. Let it go – you don’t want him anyway. Trust me, let. it. go.

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7) Don’t live by someone else’s rules. Society’s labels and restrictions are just someone’s opinion, and as you grow older you’ll learn to let those go. If you want to wear something that isn’t deemed as fashionable, do it. If you want to take a class that isn’t ‘cool’, go and do it. If you want to be friends with a bunch of ‘uncool’ people, please god go and do it – they’re probably MUCH nicer people. I spent most of my younger years trying to fit my whole life into a label. You’re a unique complex beautiful person, you don’t have to stereotype yourself.

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8) Be kind, always. Don’t be cruel be true because everyone else is, don’t judge someone because you don’t understand them, don’t spread hatred everywhere you go. Talk to people like you’d like to be treated to – understand that not every person will be exactly like you and learn to love their individualities. There’s enough hatred in this world, it does’t need to come from you too. You never know when someone might need your kindness most.

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9) Respect sex. Luckily for me, I’ve developed a very open relationship with my Dad, and I still remember the day he said to me ‘you might think you’re ready, but you’re not ready emotionally’. Needless to say I ignored him and did it anyway, and he was right. There’s a lot of confusion and complications when you include sex in your relationships, it’s soooooo cliche and I’m sure you’re tired of hearing it – but make sure you’re ready.

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10) Protect your body. Sex with the right person is faaaaaab, and I’ve always said (living in current times) that it doesn’t matter what your number is, I’ll never judge you on that, but I’ll judge you on how you treated yourself and your sexual partner during that time. Respect is key, but so is a condom. STIs are no joke – protection EVERY time. When the rest of your class are giggling away at putting condoms on bananas in sex ed – take it seriously. Learn as much as you can, about your own body and the other gender’s. This stuff is seriously life changing, and it still shocks me at 19-25 years old how much my friends don’t know. Also, you can pick up tips on how to make it more fun, so why would you not want to learn???

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11) You won’t be happy ALL of the time – That’s okay. Life is full of ups and downs, seriously. And normally if your work life is fab then your social life or love life is going up the creek. It really is okay. Remember last time you thought your world was caving in? You’re still here aren’t you? Exactly. There’s so much pressure on us all to be happy, and if you’re not then you’re doing something wrong – it’s not that simple. Embrace the down points, and prepare yourself because they are definitely coming.

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12) Learn to be comfortable in your own skin. Literally every photo you see in the press has been airbrushed soooooooo much – take it from the girl who works in the press. Even the ones that are pap style – you think that celeb didn’t know 100% they were going to be photographed that day? You think they didn’t have a whole team of beauticians helping them before they left the house? Trust me, don’t base yourself on that bull. You might not be your own definition of beautiful (you should be) but I promise you someone is sitting over there envious of your hair or how your eyes shine when you smile.

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13) Be careful what you put online. I crawl through my Timehop every day and cringe ridiculous amounts over what I said 4 years ago, like ‘inbox me a number and I’ll tell you what I think of you’ or ‘Yes, and now you’re never having me back because you’re so mean’ – urgh gross. But I’ve always been relatively wise enough to not use certain words or post about how much my boss is peeing me off…be careful. It honestly does get searched through by your future employees (and your parents), so watch out!

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14) Get rid of awful friends. People make mistakes, accidents happen, but if someone is continuously being a bad friend to you, let that person go. You honestly do not have to put up with it and at some point you’ll realise that – so why not make that time right now.

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15) Confidence is key. I know I’m blessed enough to have an endless flow of the stuff, I don’t know how, I wish I could teach you, but even if you don’t feel it – learn to fake it. It is the stuff that’ll help you wing job interviews and square up to dreadful customers and tell that boy that the way he’s treating you is not okay. Don’t shy away, just try not to feel the awkwardness in new situations. Slap on a smile and feel fierce – because you deserve it.

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16) Try and have a career to aim for. Coming from the girl who spent her whole life saying she wanted to have a career in musical theatre, who then decided after years of studying she wanted to be a photographer or something in the press – it’s ironic and hypocritical I know. But that original aim will give you ambition and bite, it doesn’t mean you have to stick on that path and it certainly doesn’t mean you can’t change your mind.

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17) It’s okay to question your sexuality, and it is okay to be gay. I’m straight so I can’t preach about the struggles of coming out of the closet or working out that part of who I am. But I’ve definitely looked at a beautiful woman and thought ‘hot damn, she’s perfect….am I a lesbian?’. It’s okay, it’s normal – and if you decide you are gay that is completely okay. In fact it’s more than okay – it’s great! Well done you for making that decision! My advice to you would be surround yourself with accepting people, and ignore the one or two people who are still stupid enough to judge you. They’re idiots. If you need someone to talk to, I’m here for anyone and everyone. (This applies to being transgender or anything else too, be whatever you want to be, it’s no one else’s business)

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18) Don’t go through things alone. Your friends are there to love and support you, whatever you’re struggling with go and talk to them. It’s something I have to work on myself too, so I understand that you might want to be strong and independent – but feelings do not make you weak. Everyone needs to cry it out sometimes or to borrow someone else’s strength. Again I reiterate, if you feel like there’s no one you can talk to – talk to me.

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19) OTHER GIRLS ARE NOT THE ENEMY. Really really read that and let it soak in, this is so serious. You’re bought up to fight one another, especially in terms of men. Please don’t let society teach you this. Go and say a Taylor concert, she’ll teach you all about empowering one another and celebrating each others successes.

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20) There’s more to life than exams/work/bills. At some point you’re gonna get to a stage where all you’re doing is working or studying or stressing about your next bill – take a step back. Go and lie in the sun with a Starbucks and top up that tan (with suncream obviously), engross yourself in a gripping book or go buy that fabulous dress you’ve been wanting for ages. Don’t forget to LIVE.

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I LOVE YOU ALL.

And of course….Stay Sassy,

Lauren xxx

Ps. Stay tuned for an update on my birthday fun!

8 problems with having big boobs *GUEST POST*

My mysterious feisty guest blogger is back again! This time she’s talking about her boobs…

1. They get in the way.

I’m not kidding here, they get in the way of everything. Even on the beach I have to dig a hole for them so I can comfortably lay on my front.

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2. Everyone loves boobs.

I bet a few of you here are wondering why that’s a bad thing?! Let me break it down for you: bras make big boobs look amazing. I’m not denying that at all. But the minute you want me to free the bad boys…shit no! Unless you got some antigravity switch they gon’ be saggy as hell!

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3. +cup bras are hella expensive.

Unless you buy your +cup bra in a highstreet shop (they break quite soon) your going to be spending £28+ on your over the shoulder boulder holders. God punished me enough by giving me these large breasts so please take mercy on me and lower the price. I only own four bras and collectively they’re worth over £100!
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4. Small boobed girls’ jealousy.

“Wow are those fake?” “Your so lucky to have big boobs” “Can I touch them?” “God look at that sl*t with her boobs out” “You should show off your best assets more often”

How about no? You can’t win ever! Like ever. People always have their own opinion on my boobs. But I don’t care…they’re my boobs!

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5. Getting clothes that fit.

Sometimes I have to choose between a waist and modesty. If I choose waist the top is usually a bit tight on my boobs. I looked down once at work and saw my boobs were out thanks to a rogue button…I don’t even know how long they were out for!! If I choose boobs, (unless it’s tight) it tends to hang off of them like a tent and I instantly gain a dress size.

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6. Sports bras.

They are a necessary addition to everyday life if you have breasts. Some basic life activities can be heavily impaired by not wearing a sports bra. Such as:

1) running for anything (bus,train,taxi)

2) stairs

3) wildly dancing in the club I don’t want to walk around with permanent black eyes.

So I strap these bad boys down in a Wanderbra sports bra called “The Shock Absorber”

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7. Food.

I don’t mean to be gross…but it gets lost in there. I have taken my bra off at night to shower after being at the cinema and like four popcorn kernels came out. I couldn’t even feel they were in there!! Gross gross gross.

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*last but not least* 8. Sweaty Under Boob Alert (SUBA)

Now all sizes breasts can and do get SUBA. But usually after exercise or a really hot day. Those of us with large boobs? A daily occurance. I mean daily. I can literally be sat in bed and my boobs will have sweat between them. Don’t even get me started on after the gym. Or the smell…

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Until next time…

xoxo

Do you think she’s right? Is she missing anything? Let us know below! 

Periods – A Trans Male Perspective *Guest Post*

Following my last post about periods, I wanted to open up your eyes to a side of periods we hear much less about, and if we’re honest with ourselves, mostly never acknowledge. I wanted to include this side of things in my original post, but didn’t feel as though it would be right for me to do so – almost a disservice to those who identify as trans, like trying to talk about difficulties that aren’t mine to have, that aren’t mine to talk about. So here is a wonderful insightful piece from a Trans Male friend of mine, and I hope that you learn from him as much as I did. 

My earliest memories begin around the age of 4. I wanted to be a boy. I insisted that I was a boy. Every night I would wish and even pray that I would wake up the next day as a boy with a penis. What 4 year olds are that aware of their bodies? Not many.

 Many times I have spoken about my experience being trans, and have been told that there was “no way” I could have known at 4 years old that I was in the wrong gender. I can guarantee you I did. There is photographic evidence of a social gender change within me starting at the age of 4. So trust me, I knew.

Probably around the 4th grade I decided that I no longer was going to try to be a boy, because I wanted to fit in with my peers. Developmentally, that was exactly where I should have been. While I still preferred male clothing, I grew my hair long. I felt that that would make me female, and if I just pretended hard enough, the feelings and desires of being male would go away.

I remember in 5th grade we had our first exposure to sex education. They separated the boys and girls and showed each of us a video regarding puberty. They made periods seem so magical, because once you got your period, you were on your way to becoming a woman and no longer a girl. It was all the raging gossip when a classmate started her period.

I remember the day I started mine. I was in 6th grade, about 12 years old. It was a Sunday morning and my family was getting ready for church and I went to use the bathroom before we left and there was a surprise happening in my underwear. I was so excited I started yelling for my mom, and later my mom told my grandma and she cried.  I can tell you the “excitement” and “joy” of having a period quickly wore off.

For one thing, I did not want to wear tampons. I felt such a sense of dysphoria putting something inside of myself, even though I didn’t have a description for what I felt at the time, I can say now that’s what it was. It took me a while to find a product I liked but I stuck with pads the entire time I had my period, and often felt judged for that, because “most” women use tampons. I just didn’t get it.

I kind of was in limbo in regards to my gender throughout high school, but once I got to college I met some genderqueer people and learned about what it meant to be transgender and a lightbulb went off inside my head. I realized that was what I was, and that it was okay to feel the way I was feeling, and it was possible to one day transition my life to male where I would be happy.

However, this led me to a new problem – having my period as a man. It was bad enough while identifying as a woman, but once I found this newfound realization about myself, my dysphoria spiked once a month to a point I didn’t even want to leave my dorm room. My gender continued to be in limbo until my senior year of college when I just couldn’t take it anymore and I began to socially transition. However, socially transitioning doesn’t stop your period.

I found myself extremely embarrassed and humiliated every time I needed to change a pad. I kept a handful of pads in my backpack and would try to be overly discreet when removing them from my bag and putting one in my pocket.  By this point I was using the men’s room.  No matter how quietly you think you are unwrapping a pad, that pink tissue paper is so incredibly loud! I would have to wait for someone to flush a toilet or start a hand dryer before I opened it. Men’s bathroom stalls also don’t have small trash bins in them like the women’s room, so I had to figure out how to discreetly dispose of my used product in the large trash can in front of other men.  There were times I Just wanted to flat out cry. I often felt so humiliated having to purchase new packages of pads I would send my female roommates to do it for me. I just felt I couldn’t be seen in that aisle.

I think now, after 7 years on testosterone, I would be okay with it, as I obviously would be purchasing it for somebody else. But at the time I was only socially transitioning and wasn’t sure how well I was passing, and I didn’t want people to get the idea I was buying pads for myself. When I finally did begin testosterone in 2008, the changes in my body were amazing. But for me, the most important change was going to be the stopping of my periods. After all, at least in the US, periods “define” womanhood, and that was something I was not.

It took about 4 months for them to completely stop, and that was the end of that. Now I am working things outwith my doctors to have a full hysterectomy, as being on testosterone can put me at higher risk for ovarian and cervical cancer.

After that happens, I will never have to worry about having my period again, which is a pretty good deal for this guy.

Gabe H.

  

Join the O-Club… Non-exclusive. All welcome! *GUEST POST*

This is the first guest post of many from a feisty friend of mine, and I promise you she will change your life. Listen up! 

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Hello boys and girls,

Today I aim to change your life. I got similar advice a few years ago and it certainly changed mine.

THE ORGASM. More importantly the partner-partner orgasm. Just because of the nature of where this story stemmed from I’m preaching to the sisters who never get their ‘O-time” but I recognise this happens in any relationship not just the heterosexual ones (feminist agenda *check*).

Why on earth is it that we don’t get to orgasm every time we engage in a sexual activity? More importantly…why do we let our partners orgasm and not us?

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You need to learn the following phrase… “NO! DON’T STOP!” Shout it, scream it, whisper it in a sexy tone -WHATEVER- just don’t let them get away with it. Unfortunately not everyone can orgasm from a bit of “p-in-v” so don’t be afraid to get it first. Go and win that race!! The early bird gets the worm ladies. In the past I have outright said there is no intercourse until I have orgasmed. They’ve got to learn some time!

NEW CLUB RULES; if you want to play then you need to follow the rules. Don’t be afraid to say “don’t stop”. If your other half is going down on you don’t let him stop until you’ve orgasmed. Push their head back down, hell push it further when their down ‘there’ but for heavens sake don’t let them stop until you’ve screamed their name in every single language you know.

So you’re horny as hell and you wanna get to the sex as quick as possible. I get it…we’ve all been there. Don’t be afraid to use your hands!! There are plenty of positions (and I’m adventurous) where you can use your hands to add to the fun. Sometimes I make my chosen partner in crime use their hands to compliment the penetration whilst I’m playing with my nipples like they’re tweedle dum and dee! Tell them how you want it! Hell, act like your bloody Siri navigating someone to the nearest Ann Summers. “Up, down, faster and slower” are things I very commonly say whilst in bed…and I rarely walk away feeling let down. I’m not talking sub/dom kinda shit (though that can be a little sexy) but tell them how you want it and how you want it now.

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A) You’re getting what you want. #winning

B) The other person will find turning you on sexy. #doublewinning

C) Yay orgasms! Think of it as education. Know that you are teaching this person how to deliver in the bedroom and know that all those future orgasms are really screams of appreciation to the legacy you have created. (too far?)

D) This is probably THE most important rule to my playing club. KNOW WHAT YOU LIKE!!!! I used to find masturbating a very difficult subject and now I love it and wouldn’t be without It. How the hell is someone else supposed to make you orgasm if you don’t even know how to do it for yourself. Get down there, fiddle around and find out how you like it. Don’t be discouraged if it takes ages, just stick with it! You can try toys, porn, lube or loads of different things. Just do it!! There’s no better way to love yourself than to give yourself a glorious orgasm.

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I hope this gives you a little confidence in the bedroom. Life without great sex isn’t a life if you ask me. But then again I am kind of obsessed.

So stop your partner…go and find that O and never let go again.

xOxO

8 things I hate about Periods.

Yesterday I came on my period.

Shocking isn’t it? Are you paralysed with fear at the thought of blood flowing out of my lady parts? Are you squirming in your seats as you think of all the people reading my strange announcement? Does it disgust you? Do you think it’s dirty? Well I don’t.

I have had my period every month since I was 13, and I have felt the need to hide it every single time. I’m done.

It’s time we had the talk.

On average, around every 21 days every biological female who isn’t pregnant or at menopausal age bleeds around 2.4 tablespoons of blood over 5-8 days. There it is. That’s all a period is. So why are we so shamed by a normal bodily function?

I realised recently that I often think or speak about the negative stigma surrounding periods, and how much it irritates me, but so far I’ve yet to do anything about it. So here’s any insight into our world:

1) The pain. Some months it flies past without me noticing, others – like this one – I need to cuddle up to a hot water bottle and binge watch SATC. It’s not so much a stabbing pain, for me it’s like a general ache…a really really really bad ache. Someone I know said to me to me recently ‘it feels like my uterus is trying to rip its way out of my body with the assistance of a flame throwing chainsaw’. Accurate.

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2) The cost. I use Tampax Pearl regular tampons. For a box of 40, it costs £5.49. That includes beautiful thing called tax, which ‘women’s products’ like Tampons and Towels are taxed 5% in the UK. In fact, three months ago a 198000-strong petition campaigning for VAT on Tampons to be scrapped was handed to George Osborn, but we have yet to see any affect from this. Dina Rickman wrote an article on Things You Don’t Have To Pay Tax On, That Aren’t Tampons. The list is ridiculous. We don’t pay tax on things like crocodile meat, baps and pitta bread, or cake decorations, and much much MUCH more. As Dina so eloquently asks, what’s more essential, Mr Osborne, tampons or crocodile meat?

3) Anger = Period (even if you’re not on). How many times have you been upset or angry and someone has said “oh my god, are you on your period or something?” JUST BECAUSE I HAVE FEELINGS DOESN’T MEAN YOU CAN DISMISS THEM ON THE BASIS OF ‘WOMEN’S PROBLEMS’. What a hypocritical way of weakening and invalidating all women’s feelings in the history of the world.

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4) Surprise attacks. Waking up in the morning to find blood over your sheets and having to hide that from your partner or deal with the embarrassment. It literally feels like when you were 3 years old and you wet the bed. Or popping out to town and realising very suddenly you’ve come on and you’re wearing your favourite jeans and STRESSSSSS. It’s embarrassing. I remember watching an episode of My Mad Fat Diary, where Rae has this exact scenario and Finn has a go at people for laughing at her. I don’t even watch this programme, but this scene sticks in my mind. I remember thinking ‘My god, I think I’d die of shame’…but why should we feel like this? (You can tie this one into ruined clothes)

5) Emotional roller coasters. We all know that I don’t like the word bitch, but I have to admit, if there’s ever a substantial time to call me one – this is it. I just don’t really care. I mean genuinely seriously couldn’t give a flying fuck.

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6) I feel fat. Listen okay, we all know I’m not fat, I know I’m not fat – but every time I’m on, I end up wearing baggy clothes and hitting my ‘ding dong’ thighs and just generally crying about how ridiculously fat I am.

7) The lack of bins in toilets. It’s 2015. Women have periods. And if you’re gonna post little signs everywhere saying ‘DON’T FLUSH IT DOWN THE TOILET’ then you’re gonna have to give us somewhere else to put it aren’t you. As my close friend said ‘Want me to leave it in the sink? Or tie it to the door handle? Fine by me!!’

Now this is where I get really serious, so listen up.

8) The stigma. I, and numerous other people I’ve spoken to, feel dirty or unclean whenever I have my period. I feel as though my feelings suddenly can’t be trusted, I feel as though my mouth should remain shut – I feel like less of a person. I hate that I have to slyly get my tampon out of my bag when my colleagues aren’t paying attention, I hate that I consciously wait until someone has flushed the toilet or is using the drier before opening my tampon in public places, I hate that I’ve dated people before who will barely touch me if they know I’m on my period.

Even my own mother used to shame me by announcing in front of my family ‘why were you in the bathroom so long?’ I remember using her tampons, and on several occasions she screamed at me that it wasn’t acceptable for a young girl to use them. I didn’t have an older sister to turn to, I was 13 and petrified, and at that age I could’ve really done with some goddamn support. It shocks me that now I look back at this time, my mother – of all people – should’ve known what I was going through, but just like the rest of society she shamed me too.

Just so we all know, the vagina doesn’t grow teeth during this time. We don’t turn into monsters screaming at anyone who dares talk to us.

I will not be shamed anymore, and I invite you all to take a stand with me. I am (right now) going to get a tampon out of my handbag and walk to the ladies with it in plain sight. If I am in incredible pain and I need to take the afternoon off of work, I will no longer fake a migraine or say I have a doctors appointment. From now on I will open my tampon when someone else is quietly in the public bathroom too, and I will leave my feminax on my desk for all to see.

I don’t want to have to walk out of my house waving a red flag every month, but I will do it if that’s what it takes.

I am done with being publicly shamed by my vagina. 

Stay sassy,

Lauren

xxx