Never trust someone who…

1. Who puts a wet spoon in the sugar jar. (Especially if that spoon has coffee stuck to it). It’s just wrong?

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2. Who will happily eat a Brusselsย Sprout. Anyone in their right mind knows that any roast dinner, especially that yummy Christmas roast, is completely ruined if one of those vile things has crawled on to your plate.

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3. Who puts the new toilet roll on top of the empty roll – STOP THAT.

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4. Doesn’t think David Beckham is basically a God; whatever gender/sexuality you are, he’s still fit.

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5. Who forwards chain emails/shares those ridiculous ‘if you don’t share then the creepy clown will come and find you at 2am’ on Facebook. Literally this will have no effect on your life, learn this righhhhhhhht now.

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6. Who is a morning person. For real though, if you like getting up at 6am to go for a run and do the washing up and iron all your clothes and make packed lunches etc etc etc, you can leave. You have no place in my life.

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7. In the same sense, don’t trust someone who doesn’t snooze their alarm at least three times. If he/she jumps straight out of bed on the first one, they gotta go.

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8. Who doesn’t tip in a restaurant. (Unless it was awful service). I find the tipping tradition a little odd, but it’s deemed as socially polite so if they don’t tip, be sure to dodge their call next time.

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9. Anyone who wears a watch on the inside of their wrist. I can’t even….tragic.

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10. Who has a small knot in their tie. Unless someone has just peanut-ed you, see yourself out.

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11. Coming back to making hot drinks – someone who puts the milk in a tea before the water. What on earth are you doing?

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12. Someone who can’t relate to AT LEAST one Beyonce song (but seriously you should be able to relate to a whole lot more?!)

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12.a. Someone who hasn’t had a Beyonce song as their anthem at at least one point in their life. Single Ladies? Bootylicious? Survivor?! Indรฉpendant Woman?!?!? (Probably more applies to girls, so lads sit back down)

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13. Someone who doesn’t know at least the very basic choreography to Single Ladies. (Lads, this includes you too.) *IF YOU LIKE IT THEN YOU SHOULDA PUT A RING ON ITTTT*

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14. Anyone who hasn’t been to Oceana and secretly loved it. We know you’re super hipster and it’s wayyyyyy to mainstream for you, and probably full of drunk underage kids, but it was one of the best nights of your life, right?

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15. Someone who wears any kinds of flip flops/sandals/loafers/dolly shoes/etc with socks on. Oh my god.

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16. If they can’t sing along to the Frozen soundtrack with you, you don’t need that kind of negativity in your life.

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17. You can include anyone who doesn’t appreciate Disney movies too. What even are you?!

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18. Someone who didn’t go through that slightly chavvy stage in their early teens. You know exactly what I’m talking about – it’s a right of passage.

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19. Who doesn’t fancy either a fry up or a Maccies breakfast after a heavy night – we both know you couldn’t care less about the calories, embrace it!

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Have I missed anything? Let me know below!

Stay Sassy,

Lauren

xxx

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6 thoughts on “Never trust someone who…

  1. Angry says:

    Who the hell are you to write this? You aren’t queen of the world, people do their own stuff and have their own life.
    You’re not sassy, you’re just damn rude.

    NEWS FLASH. NOBODY HAS TO LIKE THE SAME STUFF AS YOU.

    Like

    • Lauren Marie Dudley says:

      Again, thank you for hiding behind you anonymity, but thank you for reading!
      This post is meant to be written with a touch of humour, it’s bringing out the traditions of society in every day life and slightly mocking them.
      Apologies if I offended you!

      Like

  2. Jess says:

    How was someone offended by this? It’s just a fact: if you don’t lie on the floor and get your dog to sit on your back every time you hear SURFBORT then it’s not meant to be. Beyoncรฉ anthems for the win.

    Liked by 1 person

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